19.02.2022 – 09.00 – How is your strong relationship house built? After the first, second and third floors, we begin to build the house of the spouses. A secure relationship is built slowly, we have reached the fourth level of a magnificent castle that we can achieve with the commitment and attention of ourselves and our partner. The fourth floor It suggests how to improve the positive perspective of the relationship, to do this, it is necessary to learn to communicate so that you can understand the feelings of the partner and be able to make him feel understood and accepted. It is important Create a space of intimacy where you can feel calmThe ability to be vulnerable without being attacked or belittled. This welcoming, warm and soft space is built over time, with attitudes, behaviors and thoughts on the other hand colored positively.
L ‘Playing sports Which I will describe, allows you to go in that direction and helps make your conversations more deep and personal. When we talk in pairs we try to use them open questions, that is, they are answered in a way that is more detailed than just “yes” or “no”. For example by asking “How would you like to change our lives in the next year to make it better and more fulfilling?”. or “What are the positive aspects of your life these days?” Or again, “What do you feel is not going to happen as you would like?”.
You can also start a conversation by simply asking, “How are you, how is life treating you? Talk to me, I’m here to listen.” List now the answers I can help express how we feel as the conversation progresses. If your partner asks you something about how you feel, but you’re not sure which words best express your feelings, check out the small list below, and choose what you’re experiencing inside. It’s okay to name more than one, because we often feel a mixture of feelings. The list is longer and I use it for my couple communication sessions.
how do i feelAcceptable, appreciated, understood, rejected, abandoned, close to you, afraid, amused, embarrassed, abused, criticized, angry, lonely, worried, in awe, tired, ashamed, not sure what to feel.
After starting a conversation, to explore your partner’s feelings and thoughts, one of the best tools you can use is choice Heart-opening questionsInclude some to use at any time during the conversation, these are just a small example of those used in training.
- What are your basic needs?
- What do you really want?
- Who are the heroes of these feelings that you speak of?
- What do you really want to say and to whom?
- What feelings are you afraid to even think about?
- You think this has affected our relationship (or another relationship). If so, how?
- Is there a way you wish you could have done things differently? how?
- What do you really want to ask me?
- What do your values tell you about all this?
- Is there anything you learned from this?
- What is “should”?
- Are there parts of yourself that are conflicting?
Another powerful way to explore feelings is in-depth questions that allow the conversation to become deeper and more intimate. Here are some exploratory claims you can try.
- Tell me this story.
- I want to know everything you feel.
- Talk to me, I listen to you.
- We have plenty of time to talk.
- Tell me what you need now.
- I think you are very clear. Follow.
- Help me understand this situation from your point of view. What are the most important points for you?
- Tell me what worries you the most.
To deepen the intimacy of the conversation, it is very useful to give understanding and sympathy to the partner. First, try to put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor and understand what he is saying and how he feels. Then tell him that his thoughts and feelings make sense to you. Choose some of the following phrases to express understanding and sympathy, and I’ll include just a few.
- I understand your feeling.
- I feel so desperate when you talk about this.
- I can feel the pain you are feeling.
- I hope you don’t have to go through this.
- I wish I was with you at that moment.
- I agree with you completely.
- No wonder you are upset.
- I understand. Let me sum up: what you’re thinking here is…
- What I like the most about what you do is…
Remember that using this knowledge and skills is not only for intimate conversations with your partner, it allows you to have better and more effective conversations with all people, with these tools everyone will find you friendly, empathetic and a great communicator who knows how to care for others. What do you think of this exercise to improve communication and familiarity? Are you curious to try it out? You will see the many benefits if it becomes a daily and automatic practice relating to others!
Feel free to write your questions, reflections, thoughts, and your relationship experiences that will be addressed anonymously via email to [email protected] or far away The WhatsApp to me 3921805011 Or as a Facebook message and I will answer you with joy, your experience can also be a springboard for growth and reflection for other readers.
[Il dott. Marco Folla è psicologo clinico di adulti, coppie, adolescenti e bambini. Si dedica ad ambiti quali terapia di coppia, problemi di ansia, depressione, dei disturbi alimentari, anche maschili. Traduce libri di psicologia dall’inglese, è certificato analista transazionale, formato in Training Autogeno e in corsi di crescita personale e di miglioramento psicofisico. Ha ottenuto il diploma di secondo livello nella terapia di coppia con il metodo Gottman, in Emi therapy (protocollo di riprogrammazione dei movimenti oculari in accordo con la terapia somatica), sul rischio suicidario. Tiene corsi sulla mindful eating.]
“Infuriatingly humble alcohol fanatic. Unapologetic beer practitioner. Analyst.”